The old man saw gliding turtles and one turtle bumped the boat he dropped the box and he jump on a turtle the turtle caught up to the other turtles . The boat was still in the air. The turtles were busy flying with the old man.The turtles got to their home but the old man saw their home. There were fresh green grass and there were white flowers on the fresh green grass. The old man hopped of the turtles shell and he was running in the fresh green grass. He was happy and his heart was beating so excitedly he couldn't believe that he saw the turtles home. He slept with the turtles. The turtles were smooth and soft. In the morning the old man had breakfast his breakfast was fresh green grass because the grass was sweet and juicy.
This is my draft piece of writting. Please make a comment so my draft piece of writting can be better.
This is my draft piece of writting. Please make a comment so my draft piece of writting can be better.
Hi Jade
ReplyDeleteYou have used wonderful descriptive language in your writing. Well done! I especially liked the part when your wrote there were white flowers on the fresh green grass.
I liked how you let Katherine help you type your story but all the ideas were your own.
Try to write faster on the computer. Practice makes perfect!
Mrs Natusch
To mrs Natsch
DeleteI will write faster on the computer
I will pactice on my computer at home.
from Jade